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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?