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Facing denial, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is turning you down, delivering a firm “No.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I began submitting articles five decades ago, right after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and many essays. In the last 20 years, concentrating on personal essays, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a setback frequently—totaling over 100 times a year. In total, denials throughout my life number in the thousands. Today, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining tirade? Far from it. As, at last, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

How Have I Managed This?

A bit of background: By this stage, almost every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: recently, a publication turned down 20 articles in a row before accepting one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my memoir proposal before one gave the green light. A few years later, 25 literary agents declined a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I submit my work only once a month.

My Steps of Rejection

In my 20s, all rejections stung. I felt attacked. I believed my work was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? How could editors be ignore my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly they rejected the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What do they know? Who made you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and the magazine stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, then self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably mixed with delusion). How can I convince you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, despair. I’m not talented. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Precedents

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Stories of creators whose books was initially declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was first rejected. If they could overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his youth squad. The majority of US presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in races. Sylvester Stallone claims that his script for Rocky and bid to star were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Later, as I reached my senior age, I reached the last step of rejection. Peace. Today, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or have something underway, or be considering that idea for a different writer.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader believes I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the work I am peddling. Or was busy and reviewed my work too quickly to appreciate its value.

Feel free call it an realization. Everything can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Others are within it. Admittedly, my ideas and work may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or an aspect about my punctuation, notably semicolons, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published two books—my first when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at older—and over numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in magazines major and minor, in diverse platforms. My debut commentary ran in my twenties—and I have now written to many places for 50 years.

Yet, no bestsellers, no signings in bookshops, no spots on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily handle no at 73, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the jolts of my many rejections. I can afford to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what lessons have I acquired?

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